How updated copy for a health coach resulted in his best Q1 ever!
A Small Start, Big Win™ Copy Polish case study for Darren Moore of Between the Ears
Meet Darren
Darren Moore is a National Board Certified Health Coach and personal trainer in the Bay Area, California, who empowers busy middle-aged professionals and seniors to age confidently with strength, health, and vitality.
When he got in touch about my services in September 2024, he had copy done by another copywriter. Unfortunately, Darren didn't think this copy reflected the depth and range of what he did for clients and instead emphasized weight loss too much.
Darren wanted updated copy before the new year that reflected the specific and unique ways he supported clients. That way, his website would be set up to capture leads and close sales for him as everyone made resolutions around their health.
Because Darren's goals were to capture leads and close sales, we worked on his homepage and services page, where everyone lands and where people convert.
By the end our work together, we achieved:
Darren's best Q1 ever, doubling his revenue from Q1 last year
Increased time spent by visitors on his site sixfold from 20-40 seconds to 2 minutes
Doubled traffic to his website with SEO
Increased his confidence with messaging based on customer research
Let's dive into how we made all this happen!
The client’s needs
Before working with me, Darren had copy from another copywriter who worked with him using the StoryBrand method. He had disliked this latter experience because the copywriter wrote about weight loss instead of reflecting the work Darren actually does as a health coach, which is to support clients in aging confidently and showing up as the best version of themselves (even if they've had injuries and surgeries) through a holistic approach based on six lifestyle medicine pillars.
Darren and I got to know each other as members of the Berkeley Chamber of Commerce, and by the time he was ready to work with me, he knew he wanted:
Copy that was based on customer research so he didn't have to guess what should be on his homepage and services pages
Copy that reflected the range and depth of his background as a health coach and physical trainer, which goes beyond weight loss
Copy optimized for SEO so that he'd be more findable by the local community he serves
Our solution
After talking with Darren, we decided that my Small Start, Big Win™ Copy Polish would be the best fit for his needs as it gives him two pages of copy polished up for conversions in one week (though in Darren's case, this was extended to account for SEO work at the end).
Through the Small Start, Big Win™ Copy Polish package, I delivered to Darren:
Analysis of his voice of customer (VOC) collected from client interviews, which I extracted insights from following Jobs-to-be-Done (JTBD) methodology
Copy that included:
Headlines for Darren's homepage and services pages that spoke to the value he provides, the transformation his ideal clients desire, and his ideal client's dream state
Body copy that rearranged the copy he had to follow the Problem-Agitation-Solution framework, a tried-and-true method of organizing copy so that it converts
A 60-minute Loom video with a custom presentation walking him through conversion copywriting principles, how my recommendations followed them, and instructions for what he needed to do to complete his copy, as the Small Start, Big Win™ Copy Polish is a done-with-you package
Optimization of his final copy for SEO in collaboration with Kristi Durham, SEO specialist
Let's break down what each deliverable included and why.
1) Analysis of customer research
Because Darren and I were on the same page about how customer research is foundational to conversion copy, the first thing I did was review interviews from two of Darren's long-time clients. Specifically, I looked at them to understand the series of events that brought them to Darren and the forces that played a role in their decision to work with him.
(In Jobs-to-be-Done terms, I was using the timeline to look for significant events along with forces that made them switch from their current solution to the solution of hiring him.
FYI: If you're not familiar with JTBD, it refers to a group of concepts about why people buy. Because it delves into deeper reasons behind buyer psychology, it's THE most handy resource a business owner can have in their belt.)
Case in point: Both clients said they were private people who were careful about whom they invited into their home. As Darren's first step with clients as a personal trainer was to meet them for an at-home assessment, this immediately created hesitation.
However, both clients had also heard of Darren through trusted acquaintances and felt reassured by his personal background and his experience as part of the LGBTQ community. Because these details helped his clients overcome their concerns to begin their engagement with Darren, we highlighted more of Darren's personal story in the copy on his homepage. That way, we made it clear right when people landed on his website that he's a non-judgemental and supportive person to welcome into your home.
Check out Darren's final bio section shaped by customer insights here:
2) Headline copy and body copy recommendations
With Darren's customer research fresh in my mind, the next step for me was to write headlines for his home and services page.
The way I write headlines is informed by Copyhacker's Master of Headlines course. In short, I aim to write about a hundred headlines that speak to different aspects of my clients' work such as the value they provide, the transformation their clients desire, and what their client's dreamstate is.
(See photo for how I do this in Airstory, my writing app--each column is a different category of headline and each card is a headline idea.)
Because I write a lot of headlines, I don't expect all of them to be good. But the point of writing so many is that 20-40% of what I generate will be. These give me headline options to present to clients for the above-the-fold and for headlines down the page.
In Darren's case, I presented two options for his above-the-fold sections for both his homepage and services page. For his homepage, he chose a dreamstate headline to tap into what his clients really want:
And for his services page, he chose a transformation-led headline to speak to how he could specifically help his clients achieve their goals:
Both headlines aim to capture readers’ attention within those crucial first few seconds they’re on the page so that they keep reading down to Darren’s conversion point.
In that vein, when it came to Darren's body copy, I rearranged what he had to follow the Problem-Agitation-Solution framework, a way of organizing ideas proven to convert more effectively.
This step included taking out info about weight loss that was irrelevant to Darren's work, deleting sections that were repetitive, and reorganizing Darren's testimonials to highlight the transformation he gave his clients. All these steps made his body copy more focused towards getting readers to his conversion point of booking a discovery call with him.
3) Loom walkthrough of Darren’s custom presentation
My Small Start, Big Win™ Copy Polish came with a custom Loom presentation that gave Darren an overview of the strategy behind his copy.
This included info about the elements of conversion I focused on in my work, recommendations for copy and website design optimization, and recommendations for completing the copy I delivered based on what this customer research told us about his clients.
Essentially, this presentation broke down the reasons behind the copy recommendations I made, which I believe are important for clients to understand because you need to know how your web copy works as a business asset. Of course, I'm here to support you in that which is why my Small Start, Big Win™ starter packages include custom Loom walkthroughs.
(Note: Returning clients can work with me through a VIP Half Day, where I deliver copy without the Loom walkthrough, saving you some time but still delivering work you can trust is informed by conversion copywriting strategies. If you'd like more info about the VIP Half Day, please email me: hello[at]mimizhou[dot]com)
4) SEO add-on
Because Darren wanted his website optimized for SEO, I brought on Kristi Durham, copywriter and SEO specialist to the project. After Kristi and Darren met to work out what she needed, Kristi made strategic adjustments and recommendations to Darren's new copy for SEO.
Kristi and I then collaborated on finalizing all adjustments to the copy before delivering it back to Darren for an enthusiastic final approval!
Our awesome results!
By the end of our work together, Darren had a homepage and a services page informed by customer research. Both framed the work he did with clients to reflect what they were already looking for before they found him, which positioned Darren's services as a natural solution to his client's pain points.
Our project highlights include…
🎉 Darren’s best Q1 ever!
Within a month of Darren's new copy being uploaded onto his website in December 2024, he signed four new clients! In Darren's words, "they gave me direct feedback during the discovery call that they looked at my pages and they spoke to them."
As a result of Darren's copy, he had his best Q1 in business, doubling his revenue from Q1 of 2024.
This is a result of other highlights of our work together, such as…
🤯 Increased time on site sixfold
Before Darren's new copy went up, the average time visitors spent on his site was 20-40 seconds, according to Google Analytics. After his new copy was up, visitor time increased sixfold to 2 minutes.
That's really, high. For reference, average visitor time on site across industries is 52 seconds, less than half of Darren's result. (Source: MetricHQ.com)
This means that Darren's copy is engaging visitors so they're taking the time to read it–and familiarize themselves with his story and his work.
(Btw, if you've ever feared that people won't read long copy, please let this example assuage your fears. If your copy's engaging, if it's built on customer research and speaking to problems and solutions your audience is already interested in–they'll read it.)
✌️ Doubled traffic to site
Thanks to Kristi's work on Darren's SEO, traffic to Darren's website from organic search has doubled–and Darren expects even more traffic as Google picks up on his site more over time.
😎 Increased clarity and confidence in messaging
While Darren's numeric results are fantastic, I'm equally proud that because we based Darren's copy on insight I drew from interviews with his clients, we were able to clarify his messaging as a result.
In Darren's words: "Our work had another added benefit that I didn't realize till after the fact–it helped me shape my message and be more clear and concise. When I'm having my discovery calls or meeting potential clients at events, I'm able to articulate my message much more cleanly to speak to that person out there whose problems I'm trying to solve."
“I doubled my revenue from Q1 last year!”
Hear from Darren himself about his experience working with me and all the awesome results we got for his business!
We talk about:
How I was different from the other copywriter Darren worked with
The big shift Darren realized about customer research from our discovery call (spoiler: it's the foundation for copy that converts)
Everything our work means for how Darren’s business has grown today
Get a copywriter who “delivers 150%”
(Those are Darren’s exact words, see video above)
If you want a copywriter who:
Understands that your audience and your clients are unique
Takes the time to analyze what they're saying about their pains and desires
Interprets that information into messages that land in your copy
…we're a good fit!
Check out my services below to see how I can deliver a 150% boost to your business!